A) This was one of my essay choices because I feel like it is a topic that would make me stand out. It seems like an unusual topic, but actually helps explain my determination in reaching my dreams.
B) My essay is a reflection of a childhood memory, but I think the transition from being a child to a young adult is apparent. This is a good things because readers can see the maturing that has happened since this event actually occurred.
C) I feel that my essay does not have an ending that ties back to the beginning. I worried that I would repeat myself, but now I wonder if my ending is effective enough.
D) Are the benefits I gained from playing dress-up and having big childhood dreams obvious in my essay?
Dressing for Success
A princess, a doctor, a ballerina, and a teacher. These are some of the things I used to pretend to be when I played dress-up at home in my basement. Anything that I wanted to be when I grew up was what I could pretend to be when I woke up! I felt like I was in my own world when I was dressed up. I would pick out each outfit carefully; laying the articles of clothing one by one onto the cream-colored rug before putting them on. I would then dress myself and parade around the house, acting as if I actually was whichever character I tried to duplicate that day. Believing I could be anything in the world was exciting to me. I never wanted to stop trying to embody the qualities that outstanding people had, and I told myself I would accomplish great things one day, too.
“McKenzie, lunch is ready!” my mom would call down the stairs repeatedly until I finally gave in. I would slowly walk up the stairs, with my small hands perched on the railing, fully in character. Upon entering the kitchen, my mother would laugh with amusement. This was either due to my ridiculous outfit choice or because of my newly-discovered attitude for that day. We would eat our sandwiches together, and she would pretend with me. We conversed as if I really was an adult with a successful profession, which I liked. We spoke of all the jobs that baseball players, architects, and even moms need to do on a daily basis, along with all of the hard work it takes them to become good at what they do.
Although I was still a kid on the outside, it seemed as if the clothes masked my small size. As I added more clothing, I shed more of my naïveté’s. I realized that it was not realistic that I would have the same future as a ballerina or veterinarian only by mimicking them. I instead would put myself in their situations, planning out the steps they probably had to take in order to get to where they are in their careers. I recognized the dedication and enthusiasm that was necessary. My outlook on life when I was seven years old - that I could become whatever I wanted to become - is not much different than it is today. However, I have matured, and so have my dreams.
All of these imaginary games weren’t played just so that I could wear cool clothes or have a fun method for passing the time away. My experiences of dressing up helped me develop my childhood dreams even further. I grew to be able to plan out and organize the steps I would have to take to get where I want to be in life, and I became strong enough to carry these steps out. Trying hard in school, having good effort in everything I do, and aiming high are all qualities I have obtained as a result of playing a silly, make-believe games. I knew who I was capable of impersonating, and I became capable of knowing who I could actually become.
I see an intelligent, creative young woman who is not afraid to take risks and try something different. I think if the essay stared with the scene of you coming to breakfast in an outfit, you might be able to hook the reader even better. Near the end, after you mention that you've matured and so have your dreams, is the perfect place to tell us HOW you've matured and WHAT your new dreams are. You could end with a statement about who you are today and who you'd like to be tomorrow. Overall, clever idea with much potential.
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